Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
