The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
