Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
