Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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