Don't you send me to vm
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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