I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
