We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
