I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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