i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would fuck him just for his dog
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
