capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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