he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
