That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
