Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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