I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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