Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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