He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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