I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
