I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
