stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
