the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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