He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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