I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
