Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
