Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
