hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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