we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
