Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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