Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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