you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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