I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i dont even know how to be here
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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