my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
