i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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