he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
