I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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