"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
