I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
