I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
