Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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