Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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