i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
