Pregnant stripper...not hot.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
