I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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