i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
