all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
