bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
