GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
