okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
