we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
