This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
