I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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