I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
