I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
